Hanging Out in Helsinki – Literally


This update has little to do with Helsinki, but volumes more than “Hello From Helsinki“. When I say hanging out in Helsinki, I mean it, literally.

Check this out,

I miss the ferry, what a shocker. I look homeless and I kinda like it, think of it as a social experiment in what matters more, your immediate appearance or who you are, how you carry yourself, how you speak? I believe idiots judge on the former as the old “fools rush in” saying goes.

I digress.

Suffice to say, dressed like a homeless man I cut in front of dozens and dozens of people by simply going straight to the Gold & Commodore class check in / ticket registration. When doing so I URGE YOU to quickly look at the clerks and think “which one would like me most” and not in a “that type of way” just a straight up having a coffee waiting for a train type way.

I got a cabin for 61E, I believe Viking lines is cheaper but the ship is nothing compared, whatever I will take Viking on the way back and confirm, if I come back this way. Viking was sold out, drove to the other one and it was sold out, time to just get a ticket.

Now to our story?

I am in Helsinki, downtown staying at that lady I met in Bali’s place with a friend and her room mate. They say, “since you’re leaving let us grab 1 beer”. I say “soitenly”. They know this little dive place that serves 2.50E a pint, indeed.

So we walk into this dive of a bar, i thought it was odd, this Asian dude in really tight bright clothing working the cash and hippies, lots of hippies, androgynous long hair hippies and dudes I thought were bull dykes until further inspection. Whatever, I have not shaved in 5 weeks and haven’t cut my hair since Asia so who am I to judge?

The last guy, that’s who.

At that exact moment in time I cruise my eyes around the room and I see something disturbing, it can’t be, can it? Can that man in a golf shirt really be wearing no pants and under his no pants facade can he really be “hanging out” balls on the bench style?


It was true, not in a queer way but in a train wreck like way I kept checking and sure enough his balls were just banging about on that bench, huh? Of all the places I have been and the guy with me is the guy I met in Thailand then hit up Bali with for a while, neither of us have ever seen anything so weird.

I told my friends, they all confirmed.

At that moment this thin creepy dude in his 30’s joined him and they chatted about the stuff creepy thin 30 year old dudes and pant less balls on the bench old [email protected]$$tards do, whatever the $#@4 that is, I am not sure, do I wish to find out?

Absolutely not.

Apart from that I have made the executive decision to work through these Nordic countries like a junky who just got called out on Intervention and agreed to go on the one condition they could finish their gear before loading into that van that takes them to rehab, or something like that. After that, hit up Poland for a while until Beer fest.

I will say though that so many people are totally jaded. Clothes don’t make the man, obviously you need some clothes or you will be written about as some weird sicko in downtown Helsinki but you lot waste a lot of money on stuff that doesn’t matter. While we are at it, what is with you buying designer boxers? Are you so insecure that you think if you get that far whoever you are with is going to pull a 180 and change their mind because they don’t see a brand? hahaha

Europe is cool but it is really starting to feel like Canada aka home but with older cobble stone roads and too many churches hogging really nice real estate. Oh, spent 20 minutes in traffic today. Even saw one guy that looked like me in my previous job. I wouldn’t trade places with them for all the tea in China (what does that mean!?).

Side note, next time you buy something you don’t need and can’t immediately consume… Ask yourself this… After tax, how many hours did I have to do what I do to make $$$ to buy that… When you say, wow I need to sit at that desk for 1 week, suddenly the item isn’t so inelastic…


P.S: No bad vibes in Helsinki yet, a few out there ones from men in beards drinking on the streets with no shoes but that is the same everywhere. I really like it here, too bad they share the same summer as Canada. Hopefully in a year or so when the Euro is trading at it’s actual value, it will be more affordable and accessible to more people. That said, it’s hard to get here if you don’t fly, ferry or bust.

Search Du Jour!?: “im 28 and have no job and a boring life, what can i do” – Result, here.

Author: SHABL

Rob has been traveling the world and living abroad for over a decade. The goal was to stop having a boring life and it turned into something far greater. He's worked with national tourism boards and been mentioned in National Geographic. These days he lives abroad and loves business, technology, the tropical lifestyle, good food and travel.

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